If you try my heart, if you visit me by night, if you test me, you will find no wickedness in me; my mouth does not transgress. As for what others do, by the word of your lips I have avoided the ways of the violent. My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped (Psalm17:3-5 NRSV)
We all try to be good. We learn from a young age some semblance of the idea of right and wrong, and it is important to us that our actions fall on the right side: the right side of a debate, the right side of history, the right side of a trial. But try as we may, we are not always right. We make mistakes, we hurt people and ourselves, and we get caught up in the everyday challenges of being human. No wickedness? In me? Either this psalmist is Jesus himself, or they sure have some nerve to claim such perfection.
Reading these words out loud instantly made me feel like a fraud. In our Lutheran church, we begin services every week with the Order of Confession and Forgiveness. We confess our sins against God and our transgressions against our neighbors, both what we have done and what we have failed to do. We make a statement of our assurance and trust in God's promise to us that we are forgiven in Jesus Christ. This has always helped me to see the truth of two things:
1. I am a sinner with a desperate need for God.
2. God’s grace is enough to cover all my sin.
These are both radical statements that transform the way we see ourselves and the world. For me, the most striking aspect of our confession has always been the "failed to do" part. I didn't stand up against bullies on behalf of my classmates. I didn't feed the poor and hungry. I didn't fight the systematic injustices of the world. I didn't sacrifice enough, didn't trust God enough, didn't pray enough, didn't ask God to use me. No wickedness? In me? Far from it.
The words of Psalm 17 can feel like a sort of boasting, a prideful, unrealistic representation of one’s actions, and an unreasonable claim of righteousness. But perhaps there is another rendering of these words that can help us make sense of them.
Augustine wrote in his Confessions, "All I confess to have been forgiven me; both what evils I committed by my own willfulness, and what by Thy guidance I committed not." I think we can learn a lot from this perspective. When we begin to think not only of the good we have left undone but also the evils we have left undone, we can see just how present God is in our lives. Avoiding "the ways of the violent" is a tremendous success, but it is not ours alone. It is made possible to us by the grace of God. We pray in the Lord's Prayer that God will not lead us into temptation, and we believe that this prayer is powerful. By faith, we receive God's grace, asking forgiveness, but also begging for guidance.
This week, think of how you can add to your own personal order of confession and forgiveness to include gratitude for God's guidance. Let your life be a testimony to this guidance.
Good and gracious God, in you alone there is no wickedness. Yet you call us into a life that is good. Guide us into that life by your Spirit. Thank you for your grace that keeps us from sinning, and your mercy that forgives us when we sin. We pray this in the name of Jesus. Amen.
Contributed by Veronica
Monday February 15, 2016
Liturgical Year C: Week 12
Liturgical Color: purple
Sunday Gospel reading: cLent1
First Sunday in Lent