Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times"
Matthew 18:21-22

Apologizing is very popular right now. People elbow their way forward, knocking aside women and children, to apologize for everything. I started thinking about this after hearing that the Virginia State Legislature was considering a bill to apologize for Virginia's involvement with slavery. Will this be a helpful reaching out between the races?

What would the Lord say about this? A search of the Bible returned one reference to apologizing (Acts of the Apostles 16). A search for forgiveness returned far more references than I wanted to count. It certainly appears that the Lord prefers forgiveness over apologizing.

Forgiveness, given freely, at the moment of your choice, is empowering. It takes away any claim over you of those whom you forgive. Forgiveness puts you in charge, putting a responsibility upon the forgiven to accept or reject the offer. You free not only the person you are forgiving, but you also free and cleanse yourself from hate, from evil thoughts, from the devil's control.

An apology is a humbling, humiliating plea that means nothing without forgiveness in return. The correct response to forgiveness is not "I apologize, or I am sorry." The meaningful response is "Thank You!" Surely, if people start the conversation by freely saying, "I forgive you," we have made an enormous stride toward a good relationship between all people.

Another view of the problem.
Simple? I think not. Is forgiveness without apology realistic? If someone wrongs you without meaning to do so, or in ignorance, perhaps. But if someone intentionally wrongs you and does not believe or admit that any wrong or any harm has been done? A sincere apology does make it easier to forgive and to begin the relationship again, maybe even strengthened by the bond. If someone feels that they have done nothing that requires an apology, can the forgiveness be accepted? Does one have to accept the forgiveness for it to be valid?

And the other part of forgive - forget? I have heard stories of friends and relatives of someone brutally murdered going into a prison to forgive the murderer. In most cases, the guilty party has repented, or at least confessed, the crime. I might forgive someone who has done wrong to me, but if someone has harmed a child or a loved one, it would be far more difficult - the mother bear defending her young syndrome perhaps. And to never bring the atrocity to mind, ever again? Even lesser "crimes": insults, slights, gossip, and hurtful acts may be forgiven, but forgetting is far more difficult.

We should, like Jesus, strive to both forgive and forget. But we are, after all, only human. We are fortunate that Jesus does both forgive us our trespasses and forget that we have committed sinful acts.

O Lord God, merciful judge, you are the inexhaustible fountain of forgiveness. Replace our hearts of stone with hearts that love and adore you, that we may delight in doing your will, through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord. Amen !!
Prayer for the Day Cycle A, ELW

So there we are, two views of a very complex problem, written by two very different authors. We invite you to send email to add your thoughts.

Contributed by Rosemary
Sunday September 16, 2007
Liturgical Year C Week 42